Dining for your Future
NEW LINKS Etiquette Dinner shows
students that keeping their elbows off the table is only the beginning
Lily Ames
A motley mix of mainly first and second year business and life
sciences students self-consciously mill around the William Doo Auditorium. They have been told by Leanne
Pepper, Certified Etiquette & Protocol Consultant and host of the
annual New Links Etiquette dinner, to mix with everyone and abide by
the proper introductory etiquette she has just outlined. Many people
fumble, awkwardly saying their name the very moment the other does, and
forgetting to study the imaginary business card they were just handed
before putting it in their pocket. Leanne reassures the crowd of
students, dressed in everything from jeans to semi-formal evening
gowns, that 75% of people have social anxiety. Nevertheless, social
skills are the first thing that employers look for when hiring a new
employee. And that is exactly why these students have come to the
Etiquette dinner (hosted by New Links Mentorship Program, the New
College Alumni Office and the New College Student Council): to learn
how to present themselves with dignity, decorum and awareness at job
and graduate school interviews, client meetings and business
conferences done over the dinner table.
The way a potential employee or grad school
candidate presents him or herself at dinner, of course, is symbolic of
his or her business and social etiquette. Actual food is the least of
what these dinners are about, and accordingly, the first rule is to eat
before you come. Leanne explains that many employers conduct interviews
over dinner with the intention of testing your ability to act
appropriately within a certain environment. She stresses that
“etiquette is about being aware of your surroundings,”
which includes making sure your food does not fly off your plate, socially
engaging and listening to your client or host, and making sure that
your server is shown the proper gratitude. Etiquette is twofold: first,
it will indicate your ability to pick up on the nuances of business
culture. It shows that you have done the research and are dedicated to
the rules of the game. More importantly, it shows your dedication to
making this world a more comfortable and hospitable place for all. This
facet of etiquette is what transcends the business meeting; it is a
skill that will help you in all social interactions, as you learn to
engage with your surroundings.
Leanne takes the students, step by step,
through a three-course dinner. Demonstrating everything from how to sit
down (pull out the chair and enter from your left, the right side of
the chair), to how to hold your knife and fork (using the
“tines-down” method), to how to behave in a buffet line
(being sure not to take too much food, and remembering your networking
skills as you mingle with those who you might not have the advantage to
sit with at your own table). She walks participants through every
possible contingency, from what to do if you do not like the food to
what to do if your host is not abiding by the standard etiquette
guidelines. Paul Nazereth, former U of T
student and New College alumnus, has attended the
etiquette dinner for six consecutive years. He attributes much of his
success in business to the Etiquette Dinner at New College (he currently works in a
charitable sector as a manager of planned giving and major gifts).
“Every job I have ever applied for has had some sort of social
element during the final acceptance process,” he says.
“Without Leanne’s personal tips over the years, I would
never have been able to keep my cool when a seemingly simple meeting
gets serious and the last thing you want to be thinking about is
‘what’s the best way to eat this salad?’ You think
about etiquette in advance so you don’t have to be nervous when
it counts.”
Leanne uses the acronym BMW to describe where
your bread, meal and water should be placed on the table. At this point
I realize that etiquette is no longer the arcane ritual I once thought
it to be. Having been brought up by a British mother (who actually went
to finishing school), I was subsequently schooled in etiquette.
However, I was taught etiquette in an elitist fashion, being told that
the way I eat reflects my position in society and shows that I have
been brought up properly. To a child, etiquette serves no functional or
practical purpose; keeping your elbows off the table is impossible when
you are too small to reach your food, and the tines-down method proves
very cumbersome for tiny hands, especially when eating peas. A child is
especially unconcerned with showing the other children in daycare that
he or she comes from an upper crust family. Over the past few years I
have dropped my dinner etiquette, being embarrassed by the prissy way I
eat at the table and hoping that people don’t see my way of eating as an indication of class
or elitism. However, the way Leanne Pepper presents etiquette has
nothing to do with showing people that you are of a certain class or
privileged position in society. Etiquette is about maximizing
efficiency and showing potential employers that you respect them enough
to follow their rules. “Etiquette is about civility,”
Leanne explains, “trying to be nice to one another, trying to
help one other, trying to make this world a better place.”
When I look back on all the specific
practices we learned, this makes sense. Although etiquette is a social
grammar that is learned, it is a language of efficiency meant to
eliminate embarrassing spills, food on your shirt and clashes at the
table. Leanne explains that, “etiquette is all about forming habits, and it usually takes about twenty-one days
to form a new habit.” Leanne encourages people to practice their
etiquette, and the U of T faculty club is the perfect place to do this.
The club is especially useful to counter the unhealthy habits that the
student lifestyle forms. Although etiquette for the twenty-first
century business world is extremely logical, it is a specific social grammar. As Paul Nazereth
tells me, “Etiquette is a language that those in business are
fluent in - if you do not speak this language, no one will listen to
you. Period.” It is the grammar of all things polite and
efficient – ultimately, far more important than you might know.
